It has been a long month since my last post, two hospitalizations, lots of doctors visits, scan, bloods work, and other tests later I still don't have many answers. I do know that they no longer think I have heart disease but because my pulse rate is still high I am on medicine, while the doctor who did my brain surgery say I am "healed" a large handful of doctors including a neurologist from Chicago that has now taken on my case things a lot if this can all be surgery related.
However, things have gotten better in many areas. While I will most likely always have my stutter, therapy has gotten it to a point to where it is hardly noticeable, and when I am having trouble I now know how to handle it. My walking and gate is much better and is still improving on its own without therapy, and although I am still really struggling with nausea and somethings vomiting the neurologist finally found a medication and dosage that works well. Ability to pay attention is getting better, as well as memory. I still get "brain" overload but not as much as before, and now I can recognize when it is coming and do things like take a nap to help myself. Sean and Jeanly continue to be awesome people in my life and I also reconnected with some family and spent Easter with them. I really enjoyed reconnecting with everyone and look forward to more time with them.
In other news I am funding my way to a service dog.
The program I am doing in Illinois works with you closely and helps you train the dog. Talk about an awesome bond. Awesome but expensive hence the fundraising. I have chosen an Australian Shepard and if you have any fund raising ideas let me know. It will make post everything that has happened in the last few year a lot easier.
My godson Elijah also turned two earlier last week. I know people say it all the time put really where does time go? I feel like just yesterday I was holding him for the first time in the hospital. I love the fact that he is my godson. He has an extreme love of Totoro, he only ever wants to eat cookies, he can be both extremely funny, yet stubborn, and the fact that he gets pay back on his older brother by jumping on him in the middle of the night waking him up cracks me up. Sorry Isaac but it does. That little boy was meant to be my godson in so many way.
Lost. I blame, the minor shoulder surgery and major diet change of going gluten free, but really does anyone really complain when they loose weight?
Predominant feeling in 2013?
Mixed. I am happy it is over. It was a rough year and I really learned a lot about myself, and people. On the flip it did have many blessing in it as life aways does.
Predominant feeling for 2014?
Hopeful. I start off the year big with my brain surgery, and recovery from that will be long, but I have been connected with some good organizations that can hopefully help me
Something you did for the first time in 2013?
Got a tattoo.
Something you did again in 2013 after a long pause?
Learned to accepted someones help without feeling bad about it. Accepting that they wanted to send money or help with food ect because they can and they wanted too not because they felt that had too.
Something you unfortunately did not do in 2013?
Go on more small adventures.
Word of the year?
Nerdfighter. It is a term coined by the brothers John and Hank Green. John is a well known author and brother Hank is a science lover / musician. Growing up even in my family I was made fun of for being nerdy. For liking Harry Potter, for not caring about celebrates or the latest fashion and for getting excited over learning cool facts. This year a friend showed me one of their videos on youtube and it was instant love. They talk about science, what is going on in the world and other cool facts, but they also are ok with being nerdy encourage those who are to be that way too. In other words they really helped me accept that part of me and it has blossomed a whole new part of love for learning and sharing how excitement and knowledge.
City of the year?
Peoria, I learned a lot about myself in that city, and it is where my brain surgery will take place.
Hair longer or shorter?
Short, I always have a desire for longer hair, but than I get sick of taking care of it and go and get it all chopped off.
More or less money spent?
Less, with being out of work money is tight.
Highest mobile phone bill?
It's only me and everything is unlimited.
Hospital stays?
none, but there is a big one coming up!
(Fallen) In love?
With a boy no, but I have come to love myself and Christ more.
Most called person?
Shea, hands down.
Whom did you spend the most beautiful time with?
First thing that comes to mind is my friends Sean and Jeanly and their kids. They have a new baby and seeing a newborn is always amazing. Watching children grow when you have known there since before they were born is also amazing, and they are just really really good friends.
What did you spend most of your time with?
I live alone, so myself.
Song of the year?
mmmmm. I am just going to say Michael Bublé newish album. I know it's not a song, but I do not listen to the radio, and I really really like him. This is my current favorite one... boy has talent.
Book of the year?
I cannot pick just one! I am such an avid reader that there is like 40 books, over half of which I loved! So I will just say the book I just finish which was The Testing. Besides the few nature scientific flaw that it had after a world nuclear war it was really really well written, held my attention and the ending was great. I look forward to the second one that comes out on the 9th.
TV show/movie of the year?
Walking Dead, Chicago Fire and Being Human for Tv shows. Movies are like books for me. I see a lot of the. One I recently just saw that was very touching was Stuck. It is a documentary about adoption.
Insight of the year?
I really liked In the Coops: In order to have friends, I need to act like one. But also in that process don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I am learning that their are a lot of superficial friendships out their, but the good ones are willing to work.
Three things you totally could have done without?
Drama, Chiari Maliformation, and Shoulder Surgery.
Most beautiful event?
Super sappy but I think life itself is beautiful, so I cannot look back on one moment and say that was the most beautiful.
More short-sighted or more far-sighted than 2013?
Near-sighted but only by .25.... but than again I have a really low perception to begin with.
The most dangerous thing you did?
Got a tattoo??? I know wild Child
The most expensive thing you bought?
New tires for my car.... those things do not come cheap!
The most delicious meal or food you ate?
A roasted chicken, with potatoes and a side spinach salad I had at a friends house before we went to a movie. I thing what made it so good was the friendship.
The best party?
It was small but for my birthday a group of friend threw my a surprise birthday party.
The most important thing you wanted to convince somebody of?
To learn truly learn how to be sorry for something, and to see that two people are a fault at something you have to meet at a middle ground in order to make things work.
Another one would be to know that I love them and they did nothing to make me leave. That sometimes things are really messed up and complicated and they will one day be told and hopefully understand. But I love them and it hurts my heart that I can't see them or be near them.
The most beautiful present you gave to somebody?
Not really sure on this one...
The most beautiful present that somebody gave you?
A group heard about my surgery and wanted to help with my rent and donated some money toward that. I don't know who they are, but I was so moving to receive.
The most beautiful sentence someone said to you?
"Because your worth it"
The most beautiful sentence you said to someone?
I would say the same as above. It had such a powerful effect on me at the time that I try to use it on other so they know.
How will you celebrate New Year's Eve?
Party time with the Crowe's! We are hoping to play a game and make it to midnight but they have thee kid thee and under, and my head has too much brain to contain so we will see.
What will you have for dinner?
spagetti
What drinks will be in your glasses to clink?
I have no clue... I may pick up some sparkling grape juice, but like I said we may not even make it...
Will you ignite any fireworks?
No there will be enough blockhead doing that for us.
What are you going to wear? Comfy or glamorous?
Comfy.
Did you have any resolutions for 2013? And how about 2014?
No. I don't make resolutions because they just make people feel like crap. I just alway try to learn from the year before and keep moving forward.
What are your wishes for the new year?
For this year to be a better year, for myself and my friends to come into good things.
Today you will be sparred for the boring history lesson because there are about 400 pictures that go along with this post... ok ok maybe not 400 but well you will see...
Now Lets flashback to the time France and more specifically Paris (the place not a person) tried to kill me.
It all started when this beautiful group of people worked our butts off fundraising in all form to raise a couple grand each for a European pilgrimage.
The lovely lady to my left is awesome, and the lovely lady to my right was referred to as my twin and by the end of the trip we just told people we were sister. And Em some things never change hu?
We ate and were merry till the lovely Werner and Meizis families took us to the airport. Where we waiting and stared a lot at this excitedly
And entertainded each other with stories and food and what not
We arrived in grand Paris and Lindsay, Laura and I sang this song over and over again...
However Paris did in fact not hold the key to my heart by the end of the week. But first we had awesome events like....
Seeing this thing
And then getting caught in the rain under it...
And then it raining some more on a boat tour
And eating the best lamb I have ever had
Also an awesome bakery right next to where we were staying. However it would be Paris baked good that would later try to take me out....
Fast forward a few days to when we were on our way to Lourdes. The trip itself was delayed because the train workers were on strike, so we spent the night on a nonmoving train and then the next day waited to run to the train in order to board it and make our way to Lourdes. That morning some Canadians who were Catholic and clung to our group a little bit offered us some of the yummy backed goods above. Now when they got to me I asked, "is that chocolate or Nutella?" They assured me it was chocolate and being a trusting human I took a piece. Instantly upon eating I turned to Lindsay and said, "That was not chocolate, it was Nutella." She responded with a "How do you know?" And I calmly as day said, "Because my throat is closing up." Now it was not that she did not believe me, but I had said it so calmly and was still so calm that it was not until I downed 8 yes 8 Benadryl and told Laura that people started to panic. While my throat was closing I had just taking enough Benadryl to knock out a large Dog and stop it. We also has a nurse with us and my vitals were fine and if I used my EpiPen it meant that we had 30 min to get me to the hospital where we had no idea where it was, and then attempt to get to Lourdes while there was still a strike going on. So we waiting.
I looked like this
Highly red and drugged.. but relief came in a comedic form when a pigeon missing several toes flew in and slid in Tom Cruise Risky Business style
So Lindsay and I gave him the very approperate name of Tom Cruise
And because Tom Cruise the pigeon was such a comic relief I vowed to be nice to them for the rest of the trip....
Anyway about 20 minutes after popping the Benadryl we got the green light to run toward the trains and our group did... with Laura pushing me from behind yelling for me to go and go faster... we successfully made it aboard and I passed out, to wake up when we were arriving here...
Which was quite nice, but due to my severe allergic reaction I had the joy of going to the doctor twice, once for the first reaction and than again for a secondary reaction, and was quite medically high for the rest of the trip, and to this day I swear European Predizone has some more hard core stuff in it than the American kind.
However that did not stop an awesome trip...
And some good "high" quotes from me such as "Laura can do that because she is a soccer player" when she was just waking, and quite a few assisted touring walks from Laura, Linsday and Luke because I could not walk straight. Luke also came to to rescue several times during Mass when I would go to stand and then almost fall over. (See what I mean about the drugs being more hard core?) Alas it was still an amazing trip and would make it again with those amazing peps again but this time no food from strangers. Fast forward a week and I was on the mend under my good old docs care, and finally decided to try out the chew and dispose toothbrush with Lindsay that we got on the trip.
First, let's start out like we did last week by me telling you that on
this day in history American Bombers dropped the
atomic bomb on Hiroshima. The explosion wiped out 90 percent of the city and
immediately killed 80,000 people; tens of thousands more would later die of
radiation exposure and other heath issues. Three days later, a second bomb was dropped on
Nagasaki, killing an estimated 40,000 people. Truman our president at the
time has gone on record saying that he "never regrets" dropping the
bombs. This is not to make Truman out to be a bad man. For him he
was seeing the lesser of two evil, and the fact that Japan killed thousands of
our men in the Pearl Harbor attacks on December 7th 1941.
Had the Japanese not surrendered after the drop,
Operation Downfall, would have happened. This would have been where an organized invasion of the Japanese mainland. Joined with Operation Ketsugo, the Japanese defensive plan,
devastation would have struck both sides. In a study done by the Joint Chief of
Staff during the planning it was estimated that American casualties were an
estimated 1.2 million, with 267,000 fatalities. Japanese civilian casualties
were to be an estimated 5 million, as opposed to the 90,000–166,000 killed in
Hiroshima and the 60,000–80,000 killed in Nagasaki. While the use of nuclear
warfare proved to be devastating and continued to kill after the war was over,
some say the cost has never outweighed the benefit, when one considers the
lives saved on both sides due to President Truman’s decisive actions. ( Source 1 and Source 2)
For me personally it is something that I pray never has to happen again.
And now if you are still with me after that long and sad history lesson I would like the Flash Back to the time I become a Godmother.
It all stated with this girl:
Liking this guy:
So they tied the knot:
And later had their first son:
Who later became a big brother:
To this guy:
Who I am the proud godmother of:
But all that was not made officially until this awesome moment:
Now even back before I knew Sean and Jeanly I knew I wanted to be a godmother. It was on my life goal list and when I was asked I was delighted. Meeting Sean and Jeanly had/ is such a huge blessing on my life in every way and I was overjoyed when they asked me. I prayed everyday for him and his mom, started to write him letters that I will one day give him and was overall extremely excited. Now that he is here I can say that he and his family are one the the best thinks that have entered my life. Elijah is a constant source of joy. He is most often my phone background because just seeing his face makes my day better. I have even told other friends that I cannot imagine what a mother feels for their children because of how much I love that little guy and his brother. I look forward to the joy I will one day feel when he learn to say "Rachel" like his older brother did, but I also look forward to watching him grow up with the guide of his amazing parents. Watching him and helping him learn about his faith, spoiling him and above all making sure that he always knows how awesome he is, how is was chosen for this world even before I dreamed of being a godmother, that he is God's favorite and above all that he will always have a place in my heart and nothing he can ever do will take that away.
