I finally remembered that it's Sunday so I have thrown together some well loved Sunday funnies for you. I also have a prayer request! I have a job interview coming up in the next week and a half (date is still TBD) for a programs coordinator at a camp I use to work for. It is full time, and would be a huge answer to prayers. I have nothing but good memories working at the camp and it would be an awesome next stage in life.
Now without further delay Sunday Funnies!
One of those buggers came into my apartment this winter and every little thing that was on the floor for the next two weeks was a roach. The fear is real.
And this is why all the smart snakes are huddled in the corner....
He went in for a selfi and came out with rabies.
This is why the chicken crossed the road
Googly eyes makes all things better, but did they make 50 Shades of Gray better?
It has been a long month since my last post, two hospitalizations, lots of doctors visits, scan, bloods work, and other tests later I still don't have many answers. I do know that they no longer think I have heart disease but because my pulse rate is still high I am on medicine, while the doctor who did my brain surgery say I am "healed" a large handful of doctors including a neurologist from Chicago that has now taken on my case things a lot if this can all be surgery related.
However, things have gotten better in many areas. While I will most likely always have my stutter, therapy has gotten it to a point to where it is hardly noticeable, and when I am having trouble I now know how to handle it. My walking and gate is much better and is still improving on its own without therapy, and although I am still really struggling with nausea and somethings vomiting the neurologist finally found a medication and dosage that works well. Ability to pay attention is getting better, as well as memory. I still get "brain" overload but not as much as before, and now I can recognize when it is coming and do things like take a nap to help myself. Sean and Jeanly continue to be awesome people in my life and I also reconnected with some family and spent Easter with them. I really enjoyed reconnecting with everyone and look forward to more time with them.
In other news I am funding my way to a service dog.
The program I am doing in Illinois works with you closely and helps you train the dog. Talk about an awesome bond. Awesome but expensive hence the fundraising. I have chosen an Australian Shepard and if you have any fund raising ideas let me know. It will make post everything that has happened in the last few year a lot easier.
My godson Elijah also turned two earlier last week. I know people say it all the time put really where does time go? I feel like just yesterday I was holding him for the first time in the hospital. I love the fact that he is my godson. He has an extreme love of Totoro, he only ever wants to eat cookies, he can be both extremely funny, yet stubborn, and the fact that he gets pay back on his older brother by jumping on him in the middle of the night waking him up cracks me up. Sorry Isaac but it does. That little boy was meant to be my godson in so many way.
Part three is coming soonish. It is getting delayed because it is long, and I spent about two days this week here..
Hooked up to this guy... Among many other things...
At least this time it was in my home town so I got a visit from the awesome Jeanly. She would of come during my brain surgery but being a awesome Mommy of three young boys makes an almost two hour trip very hard.
Monday when I saw my doctor for my stuttering to get a referral my pulse rate was 123. A normal adult heart rate is 60-100, resting heart rate should really be no high then 80, so 123 is high. They were concerned and told me to take it at home and call in the results on Friday. Wednesday rolls around and I am still needing script called in, my pulse has also never dropped below 100. The night before I had started to have chest tightness and pain but I summed it up to my asthma and was doing at home asthma treatments. This however did not fly with the doctors office and I was told that I needed to take myself to the ER immediately. The nurse even went so far to say that if she called and I was not their within 30 min she would send police and an ambulance to my place to get me to the hospital.
I really did not think anything was wrong, I even told the person who was taking me to the hospital that I really think its my asthma but I am just listing to the doctor. We got to the ER and once I explained things to them they brought me back immediately and hooked me up to machines. My pulse was 140. The ER doctor came in right away and asked some questions. He ordered blood work an EKG, a chest x-ray, a chest CT and for an IV to be put in immediately. It occurred to me at that moment they were thinking that I was, or since my chest pain started the night before had a heart attack. I however was still like thinking I would be out in two hours, because what 26 year old has heart issues.
I was also giving many different IV meds an an oral Beta Blocker in hopes to bring my pulse down. All test were coming back fine, and the Beta Blocker brought my pulse down into the 90-100, but the ER doctor not listening to other doctors and going against the grain decided to admit me for more testing. I owe that man a big thank you for him and what to fallow truly show how God works to show His glory. Upon getting upstairs I learned that my doctor was a doctor I had when I was in college. He worked at the hospital every few months for a week at a time. He only took on a certain amount of patients of the floor. He remembered me as his past patient. He is also familiar with my other rare heart issues I have. The biggest blessing in all of this was when I woke up at 4am with chest pain again and said that "My chest hurts again, but it's not anxiety, that a different kind of pain." He knew I was telling the truth and they were able to treat it and order more tests.
The test that finally got somewhere was the ECHO, which is an ultrasound of your heart and how it works. Several hours later the results came back and showed that I have two things going on. Two things that no blood test, EKG or anything else would show. The first is Mitral Valve Prolapse. This is where instead of closing each time it opens the Mitral Valve is floppy. This can cause blood back up in the heart. Since I am so young I was most likely born with it. Most cases end up not being serious, or need any treatment. The second thing I have is Bicuspid Aortic Valve Disease. This one is can and most likely is the more serious of the two. It is a congenital and very rare heart disease effecting 2% of the population. This is were my Aortic valve only has two Leafleats instead of three. This causes a lot more stress on the heart and puts me at higher risk for stenosis, heart infection and other issues. About 80% of people with this end up having to have open heart surgery and once symptoms become present surgery is most likely in your future. The symptoms are:
Fatigue and weakness, especially when you increase your activity level
Shortness of breath with exertion or when you lie flat
Chest pain (angina), discomfort or tightness, often increasing during exercise
Fainting
Irregular pulse (arrhythmia)
Heart murmur
Heart palpitations — sensations of a rapid, fluttering heartbeat
Swollen ankles and feet (edema)
On Thursday I see my
regular doctor (for insurance reason) and from their I will be referred to a
heart specialist who will know more. It is hard right now to say for
sure that another serious surgery is in my future but right now it seems to be
a yes. However with medication I could be regulated at not need anything
for another several years. While this new is not good I
am grateful for an ER doctor who fallowed what he believed.
It lead to knowing what was going on in a two days time instead if having
to go through the dreaded mouth wait and anxiety. Right now I am on meds that are keeping my pulse down but it still climbs into the over 90 range daily. Time will tell like with everything and as always I know I am in good hands.
To be honest I really do not remember a whole lot of being in the hospital. Part of it is the medicine... ok a big part of it is the medicine and another part of it is that I spent a lot of time sleeping. At some point ( I may have still been it the ICU) I had a CT scan to make sure the noodle was still doing ok. I can actually say now that I have passed out from pain because as careful as they were when they moved me I did pass out which of course freaked them out. They brought me around (I am sure with some sort of drug in my PICC) and than instead of the normal two people moving a person I remember about 6 people transferring me back to my bed. I once again cracked some sort of joke because people laughed. I than remember telling the nurse I was going to "take a slumber on the way back". I would blame that on the drugs, but alas that's just me. I was in the hospital for a week. During that time I had the blessing of Sister Sarah ( an actually religious sister) and good friend who stayed with my all day everyday. This was amazing. She got the nurses when needed, helped me up and around once I got too that point and even brought snack that I was craving. I can truly say that I do not know what I would do without her there at my side during that time. It would have been very lonely and I am sure effected my recovery. She is an amazing person. I mean how many friends can you say helped you when you were throwing up, helped you change, and walk, and sat with you even though you had only had a minor washcloth bath for the whole week? She is a keeper as far as friends go.
I also had other amazing friends visit me although I can say the first group ( Thomas, Becca, and Eric) I mostly slept through. They did bring me some beautiful flowers, and sat with me even though I was sleeping. Alyce came later that week and since I was a little more awake I was actually able to hold a conversation. The Turk's sent flowers and once I was out of ICU they were able to be delivered. With the flowers my Newman friends gave me and the ones from them, everyone loved walking into my room because it smelled like spring. I however was too high on painkiller to smell anything.
The normal stay for the surgery I had was 3-6 days. Average being 4 days. I remember Dr. K coming in on day 3 squeezing my toes (in a caring nature) and asking if I was ready to leave. I don't remember what I said, but I guess it was in some form or another a "NO" came out of my mouth, because later another doctor came in and did an evaluation. From there I was told that I was not leaving for a few days. Apart from knowing I had a male doctor come in and do an evaluation I don't remember him, but I do remember Sister Sarah telling me later that before falling asleep I said, "He is cute and can come back anytime." What can I say even after brain surgery I was aware I am single and ready to mingle.
Pain was a struggle to get under control at first, but once they found the right meds to pair together it became easier. The other big issue I had was that my veins that I had an IV in kept blowing. I was on some very strong medicine to help with not get infection, boost my immune system, keep me from getting sick vomiting wise etc. Some of these were very powerful and were pretty much destroying my veins. By the time the 3rd one blew they had to call NICU (again) up to get an IV. NICU was than called up two more times after two more blows later that week. Dr. K came in at one point after NICU and saw how bruised my arms were and took me off one of the med immediately. He felt bad it had been going on so long. Also, at the time he ordered for my PICC line to come out. This was pretty much a long catheter like line that was in my wrist. I remember them pulling it out (it was painless) and being amazed that it just kept coming. They put it in after they knock me out to deliver various meds and blood during the surgery and in the ICU. It is pretty much a life line that makes it easier to delver many different meds without having veins collapsing. They also used it to draw blood several times before taking it out.
Some of the beautiful bruising on my arm but also what I call my vampire bite in. One mark was from an IV and the other more noticeable one is from the PICC. Hoping they will not be lifelong scars.
This was the 7th and final IV. I took the picture on the last day to celebrate, luckily it was the last day or it would have needed to be replaced.
Like stated earlier, NICU had to be called in several more time but eventually the 7th IV was the charm, although if I had to be in the hospital any longer I would have needed an 8th.
In the hospital I also had some blood pressure issues because they were not giving me one of the meds I was on before the surgery... even through we told them too and what would happen if they did not. At some point we finally got the message across and by day 3 by blood pressure was stable.
By Friday I was at the point of being ready to leave but my bladder though otherwise. Because of the surgery and swelling the processing between my brain and bladder was not working and I was unable to go to the bathroom on my own. This lead to the joy of having to be cathed, and than trained on how to do it. This did not all happen until that fallowing Monday, so while I was really to leave it did help with getting me walking better and eating better. Monday came and I saw the specialist who trained me. It took all of 15 minutes after she talking about safety and cleaning and infection and really left me wondering why a regular nurse could not have taught me. After seeing several doctors and having a round of tests done I got the "all clear" to go home the next day. I excitedly sent the text to Mama T (aka the Turks) the I had gotten the all clear. After arranging with the nurses that I WANTED to be woken up every 4 hours to see if I wanted pain meds by about the 3rd day instead of letting me sleep, pain and everything else was becoming a lot better. Early that morning (Tuesday) I was seen by someone who showed me some tricks to help me swallow properly. (one time choking on your pills is too many in the hospital) and by that evening we were out of there, luckily we moved slow because we had forgotten that pharmacy was suppose to come, but really what do you expect when you ask the girl who has no short term memory "Are you ready? and "Anything else?" The trip home (aka the Turks) was several hours in which I "slumbered" the entire time.
...
Since this post is long enough I will continue the at home excitement in another post. So stay tuned for the excitement of part 3: ER trips, at home stitches taking out, and much more.
Lost. I blame, the minor shoulder surgery and major diet change of going gluten free, but really does anyone really complain when they loose weight?
Predominant feeling in 2013?
Mixed. I am happy it is over. It was a rough year and I really learned a lot about myself, and people. On the flip it did have many blessing in it as life aways does.
Predominant feeling for 2014?
Hopeful. I start off the year big with my brain surgery, and recovery from that will be long, but I have been connected with some good organizations that can hopefully help me
Something you did for the first time in 2013?
Got a tattoo.
Something you did again in 2013 after a long pause?
Learned to accepted someones help without feeling bad about it. Accepting that they wanted to send money or help with food ect because they can and they wanted too not because they felt that had too.
Something you unfortunately did not do in 2013?
Go on more small adventures.
Word of the year?
Nerdfighter. It is a term coined by the brothers John and Hank Green. John is a well known author and brother Hank is a science lover / musician. Growing up even in my family I was made fun of for being nerdy. For liking Harry Potter, for not caring about celebrates or the latest fashion and for getting excited over learning cool facts. This year a friend showed me one of their videos on youtube and it was instant love. They talk about science, what is going on in the world and other cool facts, but they also are ok with being nerdy encourage those who are to be that way too. In other words they really helped me accept that part of me and it has blossomed a whole new part of love for learning and sharing how excitement and knowledge.
City of the year?
Peoria, I learned a lot about myself in that city, and it is where my brain surgery will take place.
Hair longer or shorter?
Short, I always have a desire for longer hair, but than I get sick of taking care of it and go and get it all chopped off.
More or less money spent?
Less, with being out of work money is tight.
Highest mobile phone bill?
It's only me and everything is unlimited.
Hospital stays?
none, but there is a big one coming up!
(Fallen) In love?
With a boy no, but I have come to love myself and Christ more.
Most called person?
Shea, hands down.
Whom did you spend the most beautiful time with?
First thing that comes to mind is my friends Sean and Jeanly and their kids. They have a new baby and seeing a newborn is always amazing. Watching children grow when you have known there since before they were born is also amazing, and they are just really really good friends.
I cannot pick just one! I am such an avid reader that there is like 40 books, over half of which I loved! So I will just say the book I just finish which was The Testing. Besides the few nature scientific flaw that it had after a world nuclear war it was really really well written, held my attention and the ending was great. I look forward to the second one that comes out on the 9th.
TV show/movie of the year?
Walking Dead, Chicago Fire and Being Human for Tv shows. Movies are like books for me. I see a lot of the. One I recently just saw that was very touching was Stuck. It is a documentary about adoption.
Insight of the year?
I really liked In the Coops: In order to have friends, I need to act like one. But also in that process don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I am learning that their are a lot of superficial friendships out their, but the good ones are willing to work.
Three things you totally could have done without?
Drama, Chiari Maliformation, and Shoulder Surgery.
Most beautiful event?
Super sappy but I think life itself is beautiful, so I cannot look back on one moment and say that was the most beautiful.
More short-sighted or more far-sighted than 2013?
Near-sighted but only by .25.... but than again I have a really low perception to begin with.
The most dangerous thing you did?
Got a tattoo??? I know wild Child
The most expensive thing you bought?
New tires for my car.... those things do not come cheap!
The most delicious meal or food you ate?
A roasted chicken, with potatoes and a side spinach salad I had at a friends house before we went to a movie. I thing what made it so good was the friendship.
The best party?
It was small but for my birthday a group of friend threw my a surprise birthday party.
The most important thing you wanted to convince somebody of?
To learn truly learn how to be sorry for something, and to see that two people are a fault at something you have to meet at a middle ground in order to make things work.
Another one would be to know that I love them and they did nothing to make me leave. That sometimes things are really messed up and complicated and they will one day be told and hopefully understand. But I love them and it hurts my heart that I can't see them or be near them.
The most beautiful present you gave to somebody?
Not really sure on this one...
The most beautiful present that somebody gave you?
A group heard about my surgery and wanted to help with my rent and donated some money toward that. I don't know who they are, but I was so moving to receive.
The most beautiful sentence someone said to you?
"Because your worth it"
The most beautiful sentence you said to someone?
I would say the same as above. It had such a powerful effect on me at the time that I try to use it on other so they know.
How will you celebrate New Year's Eve?
Party time with the Crowe's! We are hoping to play a game and make it to midnight but they have thee kid thee and under, and my head has too much brain to contain so we will see.
What will you have for dinner?
spagetti
What drinks will be in your glasses to clink?
I have no clue... I may pick up some sparkling grape juice, but like I said we may not even make it...
Will you ignite any fireworks?
No there will be enough blockhead doing that for us.
What are you going to wear? Comfy or glamorous?
Comfy.
Did you have any resolutions for 2013? And how about 2014?
No. I don't make resolutions because they just make people feel like crap. I just alway try to learn from the year before and keep moving forward.
What are your wishes for the new year?
For this year to be a better year, for myself and my friends to come into good things.
Well after weeks of waiting I finally have a game plan, not just a wait and see.
What do I have???
Arnold Chiari (key-are-ee) Malformation along with another hole on my Occipital Calvarinal.
For Chiari Malformation we are all born with a hole at the base of our skull where the spine and the skull meet. Some are born with one bigger, like me and if it is not a serious form it is not normally found out until someone person symptomatic like I am. If I was just having headaches it would have been a longer wait for the surgery but tests in the office today showed that I am very symptomatic, having headaches, coordinations issues, trouble swallowing, vertigo, irregular eye movement, and the list goes on.
The Occipital Calvarinal may have been a birth defect or have other causes, they wont know until they get in there.
The above is not my head FYI
The plan is to put a titanium mesh covering over the hole on the Occipital region, and for the Chiari Malformation they are going to remove the lamina or the spine to make room for the brain, sometimes they have to remove up to three. They also remove part of the skull to remove pressure.
Like with any surgery there are risks and when dealing with the brain they are more serious but I do feel that I am in good hands. My doctor is one of the best in the nation and happens to be Catholic. He has been know to pray with his patients who are religious before surgery and with his staff. The Surgery itself is on January 6th and taking place at OSF. It will last between 3-6 hours. The hospital itself is Catholic and is even named after one of my favorite saints Saint Francis. More importantly I have God on my side and you really cannot loose with him on your team. Thank you all for your continued prayer.
It's putting ink on my body... for a second time... in the form of a tattoo. Which is really funny because I do not come from a tattoo family, and yes I know they are for life, and yes I know my kids, gradkids, and nurses at the nursing home will see them... thats why I did not get anything crazy... like a piece of bacon.
So fresh and gooey from whatever Tattoo Jake put on it after
The clean and non gooey junk version
So why an arrow? Well many who have one have had struggled with depression and the scary that go with it, like I have. It also reminds me that even when you are pulled back you will go forward, often with greater speed then when you where pulled back. Seeing it gives the reminder to stay strong, which I really need right now and that I am a warrior, because it reminds me of how strong God has made me.... although at 6am today my brain did think it was a bug. Hello instant wake up.
Originally it was going to be lower so it was easier to hide with a watch or what not, for an interview or future jobs, but Tattoo Jake convinced me that higher up would last longer, be easier to care for ect. While this is my second tattoo in over a year period I do not see myself being a crazy tattoo covered lady in the future. I really like mine to have meaning in my life and not just a "I got a dolphin because they are cool."
A little over a month ago I started having daily headaches. They started to get worse, and worse and then got it got to the point to where nothing I had at home was helping so I called the doctor. He was a little concerned that I had never suffered from "migraines" before and now all of a sudden was, but assured me that he knew some medicine that would help and if not there are steps we can take to figure out what was going on. I was hopeful and wrote it off as I am just having migraines, however a week went by and by head still was hurting, two weeks and my head still hurt, so I called the doctor up again. When I meet with him he was surprised that the medicine was not working and even more surprised that when I upped the dose my head was worse so he ordered an MRI. I was not to worried up until this point, but in fact even when he said he would be checking for tumors I was not worried.... that was until my blood work can back with some concerns, thats when reality hit that everything may not be ok and the anxiety went through the roof. MRI machines give me claustrophobia as well so I was a royal mess. The test itself went fine so then of corse I had the joy of the waiting game. Can I say WAITING IS THE WORST PART!!! ? What made it worse was knowing the doctor had the results but then had another doctor look at them, and then had them again but was going over them with a team of doctors. I think it was the most high anxiety week of my life, but finally today I got the call from the doctor. By this point I knew the news was not going to be good, and when the I heard the doctors voice on the other end of the phone I definitely knew it was not good.
The Good
1. It's not cancer
2. As far as they can tell it is not a tumor on the brain
The bad
1. I have a hole in my skull
2. My brian is exposed and unprotected is pushing through that hole
So what does that mean?? Right now it means more test. Tomorrow is a CT and neck x-rays and Friday is another lovely MRI, this time of my neck. They need tp A. Check for bone tumors, and B. check fluid levels on the brain. Is levels are too high or to low I will need a shunt put in as well as I am assuming the hole in my skull fixed the brain put backed where it belongs. This will be done by a neurosurgeon. When I do not know, we are still in the testing, "is too much/ not enough fluid, how big is this hole?" stage.
How you can help? Pray and just be there. Today two friends pulled me aside and prayed over me and that was awesome and unexpected and meant so much. Forgive my emotional reckness that may/ has already happen. Ask "how are you today?" and let me talk about it without saying "oh its Gods plan" ect. Talking is the way I deal with stuff even if it is saying I am getting a brain transplant or something crazy like that. You do not have to do something crazy to show support but those people who called today, or made me laugh, or just spent time by my side really helped make today not just a hey you found out you need brain surgery today day.
As I told someone earlier knowing is half the battle, so I am 50% there and I trust my doctor but more importantly that God has it all under control.
Ok so maybe it was like a year ago, but about 3 months ago I decided to step further into this. To let myself be happy even though my current situation is well lets be honest...crappy. To be ok with the fact that I am done with religious life and to accept the person my past has made me. For far too long I kept it as two separate things because I am not the same person I was three years ago, in fact I was scared of that person. I went from being a depressed, timid, quiet, introvert. To more of an extrovert who speaks there mind and goes after conflict. I went from a person who just went with it so I was not noticed, to more of a maverick because I have had the freedom to be who I was indented to be (Lord help those who have stuck with me through this change). But my past that was not something that I had fully accepted into my life because I don't think I was ready but now (being past few months) as John Green so eloquently puts it....
And that is ok, in fact it's ok if it always hurts in some aspects because I have finally come to the conclusion that some things you can never forget and leave behind, but you can accept and go one. There will be hurt and bad and pain but more importantly there will also always be light, and one to turn to at the end of the day who understand its all.
Screw the themed thingy I have been doing, I knew that would not stick long, although if I can muster the discipline I will write about kids with cancer, because they matter and so does more funding and a cure... But thanks to Grace over at Camp Patton I had the lovely reminded why I am terrified of trampolines... yes terrified. I will not go on them, nor will any foreseen spawns of mine in the future. Just no. And who is the thank for this but my lovely grandmother. Who is now in her 90's and is a kind but firm Catholic women. She bore 13 children and was the reason I made my first communion and confirmation because lets be honest who would want Gma breathing hell fire down their neck because there favorite grandchild is not fully received into the Catholic Church. No hands raised??? Moving on. As a child I was not a chicken, I was cautious but not a chicken. After all I was the child the tried to bungee job out of the tree with a jump robe around my stomach, (let's thank God my wonderful mom caught me in time) but it was the caution that would get to me. Once someone told me how dangerous something was I would NOT do it. It is proubaly why I am the 1% of children that D.A.R.E. worked on, and why Scruff McGruff and Smokey were "so cool" in my eyes. Anywho Grandma was visiting our humble abode and I was about to go outside to jump on my besties trampoline. Before I left grandma took me aside and said be careful. She then proceeded to tell me graphically how Uncle So and So fell off one jumping too high and not only cracked open his head but suffered a compound fracture. This was the same Uncle that almost lost his eye running with a stick. I am pretty sure 5 year old me stood with pupils dilated and mouth feel open in fear. I was then sent out of my way, but every terrifying jump was filled with images of injury and death. The fear only grew when another neighbor boy feel off a lost a tooth. Years later I come to find out that the whole story was false, and Grandma only wanted her most favorite and awesome grandchild safe. However since then every jump has been filled with the terrifying fear that one wrong leap will lead me into impending doom. IMPENDING DOOM
Almost a year ago to the day I finally thought that I had things figured out. I had been taken "kicking and screaming" (figuratively) to visit a religious order for a long weekend that I had been dodging all summer. To my surprise when I got there I felt something that a had not for a long time. A sense of family and belonging. Within the next few weeks I filled out the necessary paperwork to enter. I was really really happy but then things got complicated. Certain people got scared about my past and struggle with mental illness, and they kept putting my entry off. 3 months turned into 4 and then 6 and then 8. While others moved on with their process I was still "stuck". If I was going to enter it was silly to find a full time job, so I stayed working 2 part time but as time went on I was becoming miserable. I was sick of waiting, sick of being judge for a past I had no control over any of it. Finally I made a decision not to join the sisters. It came down to them wanting me to wait even longer to enter under conditions that no one should be put through. While I was happy and at ease with my decision I was still hurt and let down. I had finally left I had found my "calling" and then it was ripped away from me. To make matters worse I suddenly was facing having to leave my main job due to an injury ( one on which I will be having surgery on soon) I was suddenly back where I was three summers ago, depressed, no job and under a lot of stress. I grew angry at God and being to close myself off. Then slowly through time and prayer I began to realize that none of this was or is God's fault. It was life and how others reacted and treated me. However, it did not change the way God felt about me. I was still his favorite and there was nothing I could do that would take that our His love away from me. I yet again learned who my real friends were and grew closes to some very special people in my life and learned how much they care about me. It is not to say that the fight is not over. I am still facing an upcoming surgery and up to a 6 month recovery. I still need to find a "big girl" job, still struggling with some mental health issues, and eventually want to leave Macomb and move on. Yet, through it all I have come to realize that I have never been without what I needed. If I were to look ahead to this point a year ago, it is defiantly not where I wanted to be but I do know that even though its not all good it will be ok, because in the end it always has.
